Why I am here.

I came home to find what looked like a doctor’s note on the counter. All I could remember reading was the word “biopsy.” Both of my parents were home so I went to find my mom and ask her what the note was about. She was laying on the couch with an ice pack over her chest watching tv. I asked her about the piece of paper and she said they had found a lump in her breast and they needed to test it. Breast cancer doesn’t run in my family so I wasn’t concerned. 

Two days later mom comes home, gives me a hug, and starts crying. Malignant tumor, right breast, beginning stages. After months of weight loss, lack of energy, no appetite, and absolutely no hair, she was still the most beautiful woman in the world. 

Beauty is such a cliche these days, right? I get asked sometimes: Why don’t you wear more make up? Why do you work out all the time? Why did you cut off you hair, it was so pretty? Because I have seen what it looks like to feel at your weakest and your worst, your bald and your most insecure, your most flat chested and the least like a woman. I learned how to love my body, my hair, my femininity, and ultimately myself. Because self-love is the hardest of all.

Each day I talk to her, I am reminded of strength, joy, hope, and God's unconditional love. Before she was about to go under her treatments, she said to me, “If there’s anything I ask for you to accomplish in life, it’s to finish your education, make a career for yourself, be a strong wife and most importantly, a grateful mother, like I am to have you.” That’s why I’m here.